First, thanks for all the enthusiastic buzz about the TIME RIFT universe. Due to popular demand, I’ve begun work on the latest installment. Comments welcome! Financing opportunities still available for parts two, three, and four! Posters still needed!
EXT. BOSTON - 1770
A group of PISSED OFF PATRIOTS protest TAXATION. They’re SURROUNDED by UPTIGHT BLOODTHIRSTY REDCOATS who move in closer and closer. BETSY ROSS approaches one of the soldiers.
BETSY ROSS (hot when angry) You can’t oppress us like this! We’re Americans!
The REDCOAT raises an M-16 AUTOMATIC RIFLE and COCKS IT.
BETSY ROSS (that rifle doesn’t belong in this time) Where did you get that?
The line of redcoats SPLITS and in walks KING GEORGE THE THIRD decked out in ROYAL CLOTHES, a CROWN, and a BANDOLIER OF HAND GRENADES.
KING GEORGE (an asshole) Vietnam, my dear. All right, boys, let’s have ourselves a little massacre.
The REDCOATS pull out their M-16 AUTOMATIC RIFLES. They’re about to carry out the BOSTON MASSACRE. Suddenly, a FAINT BLUE LIGHT appears in the sky overhead. Everyone stops and LOOKS UP.
KING GEORGE (confused) What the devil?
The BLUE LIGHT GROWS and GROWS until it becomes a STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL. A ROAR OF WIND comes through the PORTAL. The REDCOATS hold on to their HATS.
Just as “SCHISM” by TOOL starts to play, a huge HARRIER JET comes down out of the portal and HOVERS over the redcoats. In the COCKPIT is ROCKY “RIPCORD” KELVIN, decked out in a FLIGHT SUIT and a TRICORNER HAT. Behind him is PAUL REVERE, looking pissed as hell.
ROCKY (ready to beat ass) Sorry, did I interrupt your party?
KING GEORGE (flustered) Who the devil are you?
ROCKY (let’s do this) Tyranny’s worst nightmare.
ROCKY presses a button and UNLEASHES HELL on the REDCOATS. They’re BLOWN TO PIECES by the HARRIER JET’S VICIOUS MACHINE GUN AND HEAT-SEEKING MISSLES.
All the British are dead except KING GEORGE. Just as ROCKY gets a lock on him, KING GEORGE activates the JETPACK HIDDEN UNDERNEATH HIS CAPE and flies off.
ROCKY (to Paul Revere) Looks like we’ve got some unfinished business.
BETSY ROSS (confused but attracted to Rocky) Who are you? Where are you going?
ROCKY (can’t make out with her or he’ll disrupt the flow of history) Don’t worry about that. Maybe you should take a look at this.
ROCKY drops a piece of PAPER out of the cockpit. BETSY ROSS catches it. ROCKY presses the TURBO BUTTON and the jet FLIES LIKE HELL after KING GEORGE. BETSY ROSS looks at the PAPER.
It’s the design for the FIRST AMERICAN FLAG. “SCHISM” BLASTS.
Thanks to the incrediblesuccess of the previous TIME RIFT films, I’m working on the fourth chapter in the TIME RIFT universe! Any comments welcome! Also, I need posters for all of the films in the series! Please photo-reply with one or submit it!
A DOVE flies through the air over LUSH GREEN HILLS and FLOWING STREAMS. Is this PARADISE?
NO. SMASH ZOOM OUT to reveal the Dove is on a HOLOGRAM PROJECTOR SCREEN in a REEDUCATION COMPOUND located in the DANK, FASCIST REMAINS OF POST-NUCLEAR-WINTER MIAMI. Masses of BROKEN PEOPLE mill around. Some are BEATEN WITH LASER BATONS by the RUSSIAN GUARDS.
The camera FLIES LIKE HELL THROUGH THE MADNESS to find SUSANNA CROW, a HOT leader of the resistance, being ushered into a HUGE OFFICE COVERED IN COMMUNIST THINGS. The guards THROW HER DOWN in front of a desk. A SHADOWY FIGURE sits turned away from us in the CHAIR.
SUSANNA (questioning) What do you want from me?
SHADOWY FIGURE (creepy) Your cooperation. But it seems the conventional methods aren’t working.
The SHADOWY FIGURE TURNS AROUND. It is JOSEF STALIN. He focuses his ROBOT EYE on her.
Suddenly a FAINT BLUE LIGHT appears behind Susanna. JOSEF STALIN stares at it in DISBELIEF. His GUARDS talk in RUSSIAN on their RADIOS.
JOSEF STALIN (in disbelief) Impossible.
SUSANNA (unsure) What is going on?
The BLUE LIGHT GROWS and GROWS until it becomes a STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL.
JOSEF STALIN (to the guards) I thought we took care of him at Yalta!
The unmistakable VOICE of ROCKY “RIPCORD” KELVIN comes through the PORTAL.
ROCKY (badass voice) You didn’t take care of shit.
PUFF DADDY’S “COME WITH ME” slowly fades up as ROCKY steps through the portal in a WOODEN MECHWARRIOR. He stares Stalin straight in his ROBOT EYE.
ROCKY (pissed as hell) Nobody steals time plasma from me and gets away with it.
JOSEF STALIN (acting confident but scared as hell) What is that contraption?
ROCKY (badass smirk) Just a little something Leonardo DaVinci made for me. Get back, Susanna!
Susanna jumps back, “COME WITH ME” BLASTS, and ROCKY unleashes a TIDAL WAVE OF FIRE FROM THE RENAISSANCE MECHWARRIOR.
Everybody is TOAST. Susanna goes to ROCKY.
SUSANNA (needing answers) Who are you?
ROCKY (looking awesome) I’m Rocky “Ripcord” Kelvin. You don’t know me now, but we’ll be married in the past. Now get in.
She JUMPS in the DAVINCI MECWARRIOR and they MAKE OUT. Out the WINDOW we see GUARDS RUNNING TOWARD THE BUILDING. It’s gonna be a BATTLE.
Here is the mind-blowing climax of the second installment in the TIME RIFT universe. Any comments welcome!
INT. CASTLE - NIGHT
The VAMPIRE KNIGHTS sit around a ROUNDTABLE dividing GOLD. They can’t believe they just killed Rocky “Ripcord” Kelvin in a joust.
SIR DRACULA (drinking blood from a RUBY GOBLET) “The only thing sweeter than this gold will be the blood of lady Guinevere!”
The camera PANS to LADY GUINEVERE, tied to a chair and bruised, but still SMOKIN HOT. Sir Dracula reaches out and touches her face with his METAL HAND.
Suddenly, a NOISE comes from behind him. A FAINT BLUE LIGHT appears in the middle of the air. All the VAMPIRE KNIGHTS take notice. The BLUE LIGHT starts to GROW and GROW until it becomes a STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL.
SIR FANGSALOT (confused) “It couldn’t be!”
SQUIRE BLOOD (in disbelief) “He died at the joust today!”
All the VAMPIRE KNIGHTS stand and take out their BROADSWORDS. The VAMPIRE MINSTRELS stop playing. It’s TENSE AS HELL.
The faint sound of Kid Rock’s “BAWITDABA” comes from the portal. The VAMPIRE KNGHTS don’t know WHAT IS GOING ON. It gets LOUDER and LOUDER until ROCKY “RIPCORD” KELVIN STEPS OUT OF THE PORTAL, ALIVE AND IN ONE PIECE AND WEARING AN AMERICAN WORLD WAR TWO UNIFORM. He’s holding a BOOMBOX that’s BLASTING “BAWITDABA.”
ROCKY (with meaning) “Looks like a real nice party you’re having here.”
Rocky cocks his STANDARD ISSUE THOMPSON SUBMACHINE GUN FROM WORLD WAR TWO.
ROCKY (intensely) “Hope you don’t mind if I invited some friends.”
The VAMPIRE KNIGHTS look at each other, unsure WHAT IS GOING ON. Rocky looks back to the portal.
ROCKY (badass) “Let’s storm this beach!”
Rocky PUMPS the boombox and the 101st AIRBORNE DIVISION FROM 1944 RUSHES OUT OF THE PORTAL, GUNS BLAZING.
Rocky goes to Guinvere while the AMERICAN SOLDIERS FROM THE PAST BEAT ASS
Rocky (deeply) “Sorry it took me so long.”
GUINEVERE (hot) “Oh, Rocky! I thought you were dead!”
ROCKY (awesome) “I was. But then I changed the future.”
They MAKE OUT. The AMERICAN SOLDIERS FROM THE PAST keep kicking ass because they know if they kill the medieval vampires now, HITLER WON’T EXIST LATER.
Here’s the start of the latest installment in the TIME RIFT universe. Hope you like it! I’d appreciate any comments you have!
EXT. PREHISTORIC JUNGLE - DAY The late-cretaceous. PTERODACTYLS circle the skies. VECLOCIRAPTORS chase BRONTOSAURUSES. It is the time of dinosaurs.
A faint BLUE LIGHT appears floating in the air, just a few feet off the ground. A small OVIRAPTOR runs toward the light, wondering what it is. The BLUE LIGHT grows and grows until it becomes a STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL.
The small OVIRAPTOR continues to stare at it, until it is CRUSHED by a BLACK COMBAT BOOT stepping out of the STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL.
We pan up from the BOOT to see ROCKY “RIPCORD” KELVIN, a six-foot ten-inch slaughterhouse decked out in FIVE BANDOLIERS, RAY-BANS, and a MACH-9 3400-SERIES PLASMA ASSAULT RIFLE WITH NEURAL-SHIFT GRENADES.
Rocky throws down the CUBAN CIGAR he was smoking and stomps it out. As he lifts his foot, we see the cigar has a label reading “COMPLIMENTS OF JOSEF STALIN,” signifying that THIS CIGAR IS FROM THE PAST.
Rocky takes a PHOTO from his POCKET. The photo is of a TYRANNOSAURUS REX. Rocky LOOKS AT IT.
ROCKY (with meaning) “Looks like extinction’s coming early for you.”
He puts the PHOTO back in his POCKET. He ACTIVATES THE TESLA-TRIGGER ON HIS MACH-9 3400-SERIES PLASMA ASSAULT RIFLE WITH NEURAL SHIFT GRENADES.
ROCKY (intensely) “Scientists always wondered what killed the dinosaurs.”
Rocky lights another CIGAR FROM THE PAST and takes a puff.
ROCKY (to camera) “Turns out it was me.”
Rocky walks OFF-CAMERA while LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR blasts. The CAMERA zooms in on the STARGATE-ESQUE PORTAL, which MORPHS into the OPENING CREDITS. Names appear over DINOSAURS GETTING SHOT IN THE HEAD.
As of today (12/13/09), I am making the most memorable quotes of my screenplay TIME RIFT 2: FANGS OF THE ROUNDTABLE available for use under an attribution non-commercial no derivatives Creative Commons license. Please feel free to use these quotes in your own screenplays, stage plays, and magazine articles (Financing opportunities for production of the script are still available. Contact me.).
Don’t think you can vampire-ize the king and get away without my shotgun up your ass
Let’s see your chainmail stop this wooden stake bazooka
I hate horses.
The day I get vampire-ized is the day you stop being the most beautiful maiden in all of Northumbria.
Me thinks he doth ask for a shotgun blast to his vampire face too much