March 20, 2011

Pitch for the Brother IntelliFax 2800 App Store (The Fap Store)

As you have probably heard, I swept the judges off their feet at SXSW this year and won the title of Worst Website Ever (and $10!). I know many of you could not attend but are still interested in investing, so I’ve made a recording of the presentation. You’re welcome.

Please contact me immediately by mailing a stack of money to my apartment.

8:10pm  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/3992293271/pitch-for-the-brother-intellifax-2800-app-store
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(No. OF NOTES: 116)
  
FILED UNDER: great opportunity you're welcome! 
July 2, 2010
UPDATE: Troy has updated his logo to comply more with the brand standards. We all owe him for his diligence. Starting today, Wonder-Tonic will be trying out a new logo, submitted by Troy Friedman. Troy did a great job “thinking outside the box,” and I think has created something really dynamic and monetizeable. He creatively addressed the need for “internationl appeal” by adding a photo of David Beckham while maintaining the brand equity of Camelmile the Tea Camel. Like any good rebranding, open competition is best, so if you think you could do better, check out the logo guidelines and submit your own.

UPDATE: Troy has updated his logo to comply more with the brand standards. We all owe him for his diligence.

Starting today, Wonder-Tonic will be trying out a new logo, submitted by Troy Friedman. Troy did a great job “thinking outside the box,” and I think has created something really dynamic and monetizeable. He creatively addressed the need for “internationl appeal” by adding a photo of David Beckham while maintaining the brand equity of Camelmile the Tea Camel.

Like any good rebranding, open competition is best, so if you think you could do better, check out the logo guidelines and submit your own.

9:26am  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/761535686/update-troy-has-updated-his-logo-to-comply-more
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(No. OF NOTES: 4)
  
FILED UNDER: web design monetization great opportunity 
March 31, 2010

NEW! Viral Marketing Services!

As you may have noticed, this blog is an undeniable VIRAL PHENOMENON. Therefore, I am now offering VIRAL MARKETING SERVICES to interested businesses, governments, and public figures! Here are just a few possible campaigns that will make your business a  HUGE VIRAL SUCCESS:

  • We call in bomb threats to elementary schools across the area. After there’s media attention, we reveal it was a VIRAL AD for your business!
  • Twitter!
  • We fake the death of legendary comedian Sinbad. At his funeral, he pops out of the casket and endorses your products and/or services!
  • Fake war with China!
  • We start a guerilla radio show from your basement. You’ll start building a audience of all the local high school kids. Then a depressed nerd will call in and say he’s going to kill himself. You’ll handle it glibly and he’ll pull the trigger. Then all the adults in town will try to shut the radio station down. Then we reveal it was all a VIRAL AD for your business!
  • Free tattoos!
  • We create a huge super-intelligent robot programmed to kill and say it has “broken out” of a top secret government laboratory. It goes on a rampage, shooting at buildings and cars with its laser eyes. But against all odds, it befriends a young boy who teaches it to love. Then just as it’s surrounded by tanks and the boy is standing between it and the heavy artillery, screaming at the general to let the robot live because it’s been more human to him than any of his family or classmates, we reveal it was all a VIRAL AD for your business!
  • YouTube!

Please leave a comment below if you’re interested in this INCREDIBLE WEB 2.0 OPPORTUNITY!

12:07am  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/485823125/new-viral-marketing-services
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(No. OF NOTES: 16)
  
FILED UNDER: viral marketing can't miss Great Opportunity 
March 19, 2010

ATTENTION VENTURE CAPITALISTS: My site is now worth FOURTEEN MILLION DOLLARS

According to websiteoutlook, this tumblog is currently worth 14.78 MILLION DOLLARS.

As this clearly has nothing to do with the fact that wondertonic.tumblr.com is a subdomain of tumbr.com and everything to do with the fact that THIS BLOG IS HOT (+250 followers!!!!!!!), potential buyers MUST ACT NOW!!!!!

Please leave your best offer in the comments below (or photo-reply with an image of the check/pile of cash). If I accept, you will be the controlling stockholder of Wonder-Tonic (I think your title would be “Chairman of the Blog”, but we can negotiate) and entitled to a share of all profits. I will be Chief Operations Officer and Creative Director, maintaining my job of outputting HOT CREATIVE MATERIAL to 200-400 visitors PER DAY (and at least 100 Google Reader subscribers!!!!!!).

ACT NOW BEFORE THIS WEBSITE GETS EVEN MORE VALUABLE. THIS IS A GOOGLE-TYPE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!

5:22pm  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/459500783/attention-venture-capitalists-my-site-is-now-worth
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(No. OF NOTES: 6)
  
FILED UNDER: Great Opportunity can't miss venture capital 
November 16, 2009

ATTENTION VENTURE CAPITALISTS: Great opportunities to finance my unmonetizeable dotcom startups!

Sad that you’ve missed out on previous great unmonetizeable startups like twitter, YouTube, and tumblr? Well you’re in luck, because my pipeline is absolutely JAMMED with great new ideas. I’ve got the lower-case, beveled logo and the barely sufficient back-end programming skills. All you need to do is just give me the three to eighty million dollars.

Don’t worry about marketing! This blog already has as many as six to seven followers. Add to that my forty to forty-five twitter followers (only four to six of them are sexy spambots!!!!), and you’ll see the incredible captive audience just waiting for any of these to happen.

taxr - A crowdsourced tax service. Users post their taxes to the site, and other community members do small segments of their returns. Users have to complete at least 5% of 3 other users returns before posting their own.

mov.iesn.ow - like Netflix, but free.

boatbuildr - Using an intuitive Flex-based boat-planning application, users can create their own boats from scratch, share them with the community and order one-off runs of their boat for just the cost of materials. Like CafePress, but for boats.

knowledgedragon - Like Wikipedia, but with profit.

diagnosr - A crowdsourced medical diagnostics service. Users submit pictures/descriptions of their ailments and other users give their diagnoses. You have to diagnose at least four other users before you can be diagnosed. Will be fully linked into the twitter API.

eRibs - Like Zappos, but with ribs

Call now before these are fully capitalized!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:08am  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/246022884/attention-venture-capitalists-great-opportunities-to
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(No. OF NOTES: 6)
  
FILED UNDER: Great Opportunity can't miss venture capital 
November 8, 2009

NOW AVAILABLE UNDER CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE: My Zingers

As of today (11/08/09), I am making my best zingers available for use under an attribution non-commercial no derivatives Creative Commons license. Please feel free to use these in your blogs, magazines, and daily conversations along with proper attribution.

  • That’s a lot of pie!
  • Can’t spell that without “duh.”
  • Write that in cake!
  • Amen to the max!
  • No hands!
  • That’s one nasty cobbler.
  • Stitch it up and throw it out!
  • Pull!
  • Then where’s the cream pie?
  • Sounds like a whopper plus!
  • I’ll tell you what key-lime seeing!
  • Miss some dust there, Sherlock?
  • Tell me that isn’t sheet cake!

(Contact me for details about commercial and extended licenses)

5:21pm  |   URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/237385927/now-available-under-creative-commons-license-my
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(No. OF NOTES: 5)
  
FILED UNDER: zingers creative commons great opportunity tremendous deal can't miss