February 18, 2010

Comcast Acquires Your Family Photos

In a bold move sure to have far-reaching implications across the entertainment industry, Comcast announced plans to acquire all of your family photos on March 1st, 2010.

The merger, oft-speculated by analysts, will bring Comcast’s telecommunications services, NBC Universal’s programming, and photos of you from Disney World in 1983 all under the new brand Xfinity. In a press release, Comcast heralded the acquisition of your childhood memories as “a bold step forward in our constant efforts to bring new content to our customers when they want it and at an affordable price.”

Comcast will offer all of your family photos as part of their Platinum Digital Cable package. $79.99 per month will “allow you on-demand access to all your favorite family photos, ready to be viewed with just a press of a button.”

The acquisition is expected to result in the removal of your family photos from Flickr, iPhoto, and that hatbox in your mom’s house. While many criticize the move as monopolistic, Comcast executives claim the merger will “at last provide the monetization of your prom pictures that has been impossible from outlets like your grandmother’s mantle.”

Analysts speculate this could lead to later acquisitions by Comcast of your elementary school art projects, your high school yearbooks, and that Moleskine journal you wrote short story ideas in last summer.

  1. wondertonic posted this
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