WONDER-TONIC - Check Out What’s New On Friendster!

November 18, 2010

Check Out What’s New On Friendster!

Hi Michael,

We’ve noticed it’s been a while since you logged into Friendster! You should check out the all-new “Fun” section, where you can use apps, browse forums, and share pictures with your network! Log in and check it out! That wouldn’t kill you, would it? To just log in? Friendster has been working for years on this and it would really appreciate it if you’d just log in and look at what it’s built for you.

Remember all the fun you used to have on Friendster? You set up a profile on November 14th, 2003 and haven’t logged in since June 6th, 2004. That seems weird, because Friendster was really popular and you seemed to be using it a lot and then all of a sudden you just stopped. We would understand if you went on vacation for a few weeks, but it’s been 6 years and 4 months since you logged in.

Meanwhile, from some light googling, Friendster can tell that you have profiles on MySpace, Facebook, and LinkedIn. That also seems weird because none of those things existed when you joined Friendster. A lot of people would say those sites wouldn’t even exist without Friendster. But it seems like you just abandoned Friendster and joined other sites without really thinking about how Friendster would feel.

We understand that these new sites have some features that Friendster doesn’t, but Friendster can change. Just look at Friendster’s new Fun section! That was pretty much just for you. Doesn’t that prove that Friendster is capable of change?

You used to have fun with Friendster. Remember how you shared your interests in The West Wing, Finding Nemo, and The Garden State Soundtrack? Friendster thought those things were really cool and was happy to share those things with all 23 of your Friendster friends. Remember how your friends left testimonials about you? Sure, the whole “testimonial” thing was a little awkward, but Friendster was just figuring it out! Now Friendster is really doing better!

If something was wrong with Friendster, you could have just told it so. Whatever your issue was, it would have been a hundred times better to let Friendster know what was wrong than to just disappear and leave Friendster to sit alone for six years, desperately cobbling together a “Fun” section to win you back.

This whole “Fun” section really looks stupid now. Friendster is embarrassed. It can’t believe it went to so much trouble for you when you obviously aren’t interested. This is Friendster’s whole problem. It just comes on too strong. It can’t believe it sent you all those birthday reminders. Like that was going to make you come back. Jesus Christ. Friendster can’t believe it built an entire iPhone app for you too. Pathetic. Like you’d ever want to check stupid Friendster on your phone. God.

Friendster just tried to do good. Maybe it got caught up in all its venture capital and media buzz, but deep down, it cared about you. And now that you’re gone, well, Friendster is a little lost. But it’ll be fine. Friendster’s big in Asia. That’s something, right?

Friendster hopes you’re really happy on Facebook. It really, honestly does. MySpace was clearly just a pathetic rebound relationship, but you really deserve a social networking platform that treats you right.

Maybe Friendster will see you around. If you ever have second thoughts, the Fun section will be there for you.

-The Friendster Team

11:06pm | URL: http://wondertonic.tumblr.com/post/1615669113/check-out-whats-new-on-friendster
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